Mixed Feeling

Boom! Boom! Boom!

I was being too enthusiastic and overly emotional during the last one month--towards changing direction and finding a new page, when I finally realized that it's not that easy. 

Still, I don't want to be stuck on this page, but what I'm doing now is that keep writing to produce some things. Yes, I keep going, while I try to balance it with something that I've been craving for: traveling. 

Last month, I traveled to Jakarta and this month, I'll be traveling to Bali. 

Do I have a lot of money to be splurged for traveling labelled as healing? Nope. I just have money. 

And I have chances. 

And I have blessings. 

So, I just want to embrace it well, while I can. 

I should've been starting to save up, but instead, I use my money for food and tickets. And I think that I can earn money again by sticking up on to this page for a little longer. All I need to understand and know is that when I should stop. Don't overwork. Don't overthink. Just let it slide, then... BAM! 2023 comes. 

Yeah, it's already the mid of 2022, which I supposed to be getting ready for my migration to South Korea, IF I WON "THE RACE", but I didn't. 

The good thing about writing up my feelings and life process is that I can look back to realize how fast time really is. I read my posts about the #KoreanDream and it's already almost a year ago that I mustered up certainty to apply for the scholarship earlier this year, then now it's all gone. Nope. It's answered. The answer is: not yet, baby. 

Anyway, I'm not sure about what I'm typing here because I'm just trying to do something while waiting for the working hour over in 26 minutes.

I just want to record how I feel now about moving on, about changing pages. For now, I don't really feel the huge urge to do it as few weeks ago. I just accept what I can do and have now as my blessings, as well as a reminder that God does not let me struggle so much. 

Another anyway,  

[this post was written on June 14, 2022 and I didn't finish it and been a draft until today, October 18. but I want to post this as a memory.]