I Love You, Good Bye #refELection

...and then, he left. For several days. Or weeks. Or the worst, months. But not years. I cannot stand it if it should be years being apart from him.

A Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is like a normal concept in today’s relationship because we, young people, tend to try getting out from our comfort zone and find profitable or reputable jobs (or educations) that are far from our home. Therefore, for a couple, that condition makes them to stretch out their heart to be more elastic to be able facing the distance. I can say that being in an LDR is not easy—based on my friends’ and even my sister’s experience. To be in an LDR is like walking embracing the future with a partner who always supports, teaches, guides, and entertains through voice and words, but rarely by presence. Meanwhile, to be present is very important, especially for those who prefer showing affection through touches—being apart is like a hell. However, for the others, presence is important too because—just admit it that—talking with a real person, looking at a real person, or even only being on the side of a real body is much more comfortable. No matter how often you have phone calls every minute every day, how long texts that you exchange to each other, how many pictures of what you see or you eat every hour, a real-touchable-huggable-kissable body is what you need the most.

BUT, being in an LDR should not make you focus on the pains that may hurt and weaken you. You should be happy in order to make the relationship work. When you only think and feel the sad things, your body and mind will be too jelly-ish. You will get sick easily (hair-fall, unhealthy skin and body, sleepless night, and many more) and you will get stressed often (there will be countless cries and embuh moments). On the other hand, if you can find your happiness when he/she is away, you will feel lighter in facing the LDR. How can I be happy when he/she is not here beside me? My dear friends, I know it is not easy at all. In the beginning. But you still have to start trying. First, find your interests. For me, I like reading books, writing anything, going to the malls, hanging out with best friends, and producing money (ha! everyone like it too, right?). Second, do those things with good and positive intentions. More example from me:

“I want to read minimum 1 English novel per month or 2 Indonesian novels, so that I can enrich my vocabularies.”

“I have to write minimum 1 article per day to earn more money.”

“I have to reflect my day in minimum 1 sentence using English to keep practicing my grammar and appreciating my life deeper.”

“I need to meet my best friend at least once a week to pour out any good and bad thoughts, but I also need to listen to her for my life learning about many things.”

Let me repeat once again, it-is-not-going-to-be-easy. At first. The imagination of your man and the missing feeling will absolutely disturb you anytime possible. You fail in the first trial, that’s OK. Still fail in the second trial, keep trying. Don’t stop giving more power to yourself in order to finally make it come true: being happy when he/she is away.

They are your source of happiness, but you deserve other sources of happiness too. Don’t let yourself drown into sadness when he/she is not around.

The LDR that you have is a decision between you two. If not, you will not be in this phase right now. You will be with other persons that can be with you every time, everywhere. Remember that you decided to take the challenge of having an LDR because the two of you having a big dream that can be pursued in a challenging way and most importantly, because you love each other that much. That. Much. So that you want he/she to develop themselves in better ways and they want the same thing happens to you as well because by doing so, you will be greater together in the future.

Let me remind you some things to be remembered and held during your LDR are: honesty, faith, patience, your dreams, and communication.

And now let me write more about each little-yet-important thing. Honesty, in a relationship you should be open about every little thing. You have to be honest, at least, if you cannot be open to your partner. Don’t hide things that may harm your relationship sooner or later. Do not. Faith, when you doubt that your partner is being faithful when they’re away and you keep being curious openly to them—without reasonable proofs, you just ruin your relationship because nobody likes to be accused of not being unfaithful. Show them that you are faithful and they will do the same thing because a good partner knows how to respect their partner. If they really do cheat on you, leave them. Why should you work on the imbalance relationship like that? Patience, an LDR makes you to learn how to wait for days, weeks, months, even years. An LDR makes you to learn how to not get angry and disappoint easily because of the time and chance to do anything that often out of your expectations. An LDR makes you to learn your partner’s characteristics even if you rarely spend time together. An LDR makes you understand better the tones of texts from them. An LDR makes you know what each Snapgram that they make mean. In a word, an LDR makes you learn to be patiently learning about many things. Your dreams, meaning: the dreams between two of you and the dreams of each of you. Understand each other’s dreams and support them. Work hard for the dreams that you have together. Communication, it’s not about having voice and video calls or chats or anything hundreds of times every single day. Just don’t lose your communication. Communicate the important things and the disturbing feelings, if you cannot contact them frequently. AND REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVE THEM. And it’s important too for you to make sure that they know that you are there and you are theirs. Yes, you are living separately, but you don’t live for your own life, now. You have them and they have you for whatever future awaits. Don’t let them feel abandoned and don’t let you feel abandoned too. Tell them if they start ignoring you for whatever reasons. Have a little fight, if it’s needed, to get the point of being in a relationship.

And make sure that two of you remember and do those things equally because a healthy relationship is when both sides work well for the relationship.

No one likes being in an LDR, but that should not be a big problem too. While you’re apart, you can reflect more on yourself and improve yourself, so that when you see them, you will appear better and make them fall in love more with you. Besides, you can appreciate every presence and touch of each other because when you’re apart, you feel the loneliness and emptiness without them and you know how uncomfortable it is and you realize how they take an important role in your life. Feel the missing part gratefully.

So, when you’ve been spending priceless hours, days, weeks, or months with them and it’s time for them (and you to) to go back to the reality, say it: I love you, good bye.

You will see each other again. You will. Let them get back to work peacefully and happily. Hug and kiss them with your happiest face. If you want to cry, please do, but after they leave. Of course, you want them to know that you are sad to be apart again, again, again, and again, but they too. They feel sad too. It is always uncomfortable being apart from our loved ones, right? No one likes it.

So, for you—LDR fighters: keep working on the worthy relationship and putting on your mind that one day, two of you will be reunited in a sweetest moment of your life and say proudly yet gratefully, “We made it. Let’s walk together now.”

source: Pinterest

August 8, 2018 | 16:46

(Agatha Elma Febiyaska)